[ VERSE 1 ] The President woke and he called the Pope The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope P.S. the Lord raised Michaelangelo from the dead So he can make a fresh painting of my head Then I hung out with a king and a queen And the queen put me down with her polo team The way I scored points all around the clock I had her daughter, the princess ridin my jock I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade Then I played cards with the queen of clubs The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend The double-trouble spade was named the deuce And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the news There was 52 cards, and I met everyone That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
[ VERSE 2 ] Then I took a trip to the center of the earth I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first I met these funny little people, they called em skeezers So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt Two nice soft things right up front The center of the earth ain't got no crime Just people bodyrockin to the L.L. rhyme If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is It's just a girl who's on my jock cause I'm in showbiz There was a whole lotta skeezers, I dogged everyone That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
[ VERSE 3 ] Woke up late one afternoon Realized I was in the world of cartoons He-Man told me he'd beat me up Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck Then I hung out with Spiderman He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone But Tom & Jerry both said he should leave it alone Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse He had two freaks, so we went to his house Mickey's freak was ugly, but mine was def So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left They were cartoon characters, I met everyone That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
[ VERSE 4 ] Since I'm a good friend of father time I'm not gettin older as I say this rhyme I was warmin the stove at the Alamo Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show I was down with George at the Delaware But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest You thought it was tabacco - the shit was cess There was a lotta great men, and I met everyone That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
[ VERSE 5 ] 11:33, I swear it's no sooner I went inside my TV, I met _The Honeymooners_ Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes But I had my eyes on Alice's behind Norton came down right about that time Lookin in the frigde, so he could swine and dine Then I said to myself, I should give em a taste So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it" "Norton, my pal," I said, "Yo, don't even do it" They were all Honeymooners, and I met everyone That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
[ VERSE 6 ] Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon Stopped at the isle that's Mali, cause we got ill Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill I searched for other ways, made love in caves And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means >From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens There's a lyrical technician who came to play Number one b-boy L.L. COOL J All of this is just a story that I made up Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact Not another common rap with a heavy drum track A whole lotta rhymes, and I wrote everyone That story is over, and my rhyme IS DONE HUH!